A backwards poet writes inverse.
A good artist knows where to draw the line.
A good pun is its own reword.
A knighthood would be quite a sir prize.
A procrastinator’s work is never done.
Aesop was famous for his foibles.
After M and T my diary says WTF.
Amputations cost an arm and a leg.
An unemployed jester is nobody’s fool.
Apparently the Dalai Lama is not actually a Llama.
Bee stings are in the hand of the bee holder.
Being castrated is a eunuch experience.
Broken pencils are pointless.
Business is looking up for astronomers.
Cannibals like to meat people.
Clones are people two.
Consciousness; that annoying time between naps.
Cuddling a cat gives you a good feline.
Do hotel managers get board with their jobs?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Drilling holes for water is well boring.
Electrons have mass, therefore they are Catholic.
Fatigues are tired uniforms.
French philosophers vie for the meaning of life.
Geese grow up and grow down at the same time.
Genetic scientists wear eau de clone.
Hermaphroditism is an end in itself.
Homonyms are a reel waist of thyme.
How do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
How do you get Holy Water? Boil the hell out of it.
Hunting wild pigs is boaring.
Hyperbole is the BEST THING EVER!
I am sick and tried of auto correct jokes.
I avoid clichés like the plague.
I can’t stand sitting.
I don’t make predictions, and I never will.
I don’t remember being absent minded.
I have a yen to visit Tokyo.
I just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore.
I read magazines periodically.
I tried to catch some fog, but mist.
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace prize.
I’m a big fan of wind turbines.
I’m itching to visit a Flea Market.
I’m so thirsty I could drink Canada Dry.
I’ve found a hole in my sock; darn it!
I’ve sold my homing pigeon eight times on eBay.
Idioms are for the birds.
If a clock’s hungry it goes back four seconds.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
If you sit on a pumpkin, does it become a squash?
Lif is too short.
Life as a yo-yo has its ups and downs.
Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
Milliners get angry at the drop of a hat.
My bucket isn’t very well; it’s a little pail.
My ventriloquist’s dummy is already spoken for.
Noah kept bees in the ark hives.
People say love is blind, but I can’t see it myself.
PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.
Polite children take after their parents.
Pouring from teapots is a strain.
Queen bees often come out in hives.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
River valleys are gorgeous.
Root canal work is deeply unnerving.
Sign language is handy.
Sparkling water is still water.
Spoonerists are teople poo.
Subservient fish know their plaice.
Tea is for mugs.
The French version of ‘Cats’ is a chat show.
The Mexican train killer had locomotives.
The writing is on the wall for graffiti.
There are many misconceptions about pregnancy.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
Turning vegan was a big missed steak.
Walking on hot coals is no mean feet.
Whales are weighed at a whale weigh station.
What do quantum whales eat? Planckton.
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
What’s green and runs around the garden? A hedge.
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What’s red and invisible? No tomatoes.
What’s another word for synonym?
What’s another word for thesaurus?
What’s the speed of dark?
When chemists die, they barium.
Whenever I see a broken lift I tend to stair.
Which cheese is made backwards? Edam.
Who invented fractions? Henry the 1/8th.
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?
Why was the broom late? It overswept.
William Tell’s son was the apple of his eye.
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?