Chocolate silliness

Or, chocolate is the answer

Chocolate Siocled Chocolat Cioccolato Shokolade Chocolade Chokolade Choklad Čokoláda Czekolada Csokoládéval Шоколад Σοκολάτα Çikolata …

… so many ways to say chocolate and those have hardly scratched the surface.

Anyway, a few chocolaty observations. I don’t need a reason; it’s chocolate.

 

Rules of chocolate

Remember the acronym: WAFFLES

Weight
Never eat more chocolate than you can lift.

Answer
Chocolate is the answer and the question is irrelevant.

Food tip
Have a chocolate bar before each meal; it will take the edge off your appetite and you will eat less.

Failure
If at first you don’t succeed, have a little chocolate.

List
Put ‘eat chocolate’ at the top of your list of things to do today and at least you’ll get one thing done.

Extent
A little too much chocolate is just about right.

Speed
If you have melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.

 

Chocolate aphorisms

All well known, but worth repeating:

Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed, but chocolate makes it worthwhile.

Chocolate is nature’s way of making up for Mondays.

I’d give up chocolate, but I’m no quitter.

Take life one day at a time, but always take chocolates two at a time.

You can eat chocolate in front of your parents

There’s a thin person inside of me screaming to get out, but I keep them sedated with chocolate.

So much chocolate, so little time.

Save the Earth! (It’s the only planet with chocolate.)

Seven days without chocolate makes one weak.

If you ate a lifetime’s supply of chocolate in one day, should you be worried?

Will you buy me chocolate? (A) Yes – (B) A – (C) B

Chocolate is not a matter of life and death; it’s more important than that.

Star Trek: The Borg “Wrappers are futile; chocolate will be assimilated.”

Health ~ Chocolate is made from cocoa beans and beans are vegetables. Sugar is obtained from either sugar beet or sugar cane, both of which are plants, so they are also vegetables. Chocolate, therefore, is a vegetable. Milk chocolate contains milk, which is a dairy product. Milk chocolate contains both vegetables and dairy and is therefore a balanced diet.

 

Chocolate quotations

“The divine drink, which builds up resistance and fights fatigue. A cup of this precious drink (cacao) permits a man to walk for a whole day without food.” ~ Montezuma – Aztec Emperor (c. 1480-1520)

“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” ~ Charles Dickens

“Chocolate is a perfect food, as wholesome as it is delicious, a beneficent restorer of exhausted power…it is the best friend of those engaged in literary pursuits.” ~ Baron Justus von Liebig, German chemist (1803-1873)

“What use are cartridges in battle? I always carry chocolate instead.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

“Caramels are only a fad. Chocolate is a permanent thing.” ~ Milton Hershey

“Never mind about 1066 William the Conqueror, 1087 William the Second. Such things are not going to affect one?s life…but 1932 the Mars Bar and 1936 Maltesers and 1937 the Kit Kat – these dates are milestones in history and should be seared into the memory of every child in the country.” ~ Roald Dahl

“What you see before you, my friend, is the result of a lifetime of chocolate. A pound a day often.” ~ Katharine Hepburn

“I probably have some sort of chocolate five times a week. There’s definitely a change it does to the chemistry of the body. It’s my favorite feeling. I live for it.” ~ John Travolta

“Chocolate is the greatest gift to women ever created, next to the likes of Paul Newman and Gene Kelly. It’s something that should be had on a daily basis.” ~ Sandra Bullock

“Forget love…I’d rather fall in chocolate!” ~ Anonymous

“It’s not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let’s face it, far more reliable than a man.” ~ Miranda Ingram

“Chocolate is cheaper than therapy and you don’t need an appointment.” ~ Catherine Aitken

“The taste of chocolate is a sensual pleasure in itself, existing in the same world as sex… For myself, I can enjoy the wicked pleasure of chocolate… entirely by myself. Furtiveness makes it better.” ~ Dr. Ruth Westheimer

“All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt!” ~ Lucy Van Pelt (Peanuts by Charles M. Schulz)

“Giving chocolate to others is an intimate form of communication, a sharing of deep, dark secrets.” ~ Milton Zelman

“Chocolate: Here today… Gone today!” ~ Daniel Worona

“Either you love chocolate, or you’re wrong.” ~ Roy Manterfield

“Las cosas claras y el chocolate espeso.” (Ideas should be clear and chocolate thick.) Spanish proverb

“Nuts just take up space where chocolate ought to be.” ~ Anonymous

“Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world’s perfect food.” ~ Michael Levine, nutrition researcher

“Don’t wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty. Chocolate isn’t like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant. And it always feels good.” ~ Lora Brody

“You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.” ~ Anonymous

“Carob is a brown powder made from the pulverized fruit of a Mediterranean evergreen. Some consider carob an adequate substitute for chocolate because it has some similar nutrients (calcium, phosphorus), and because it can, when combined with vegetable fat and sugar, be made to approximate the color and consistency of chocolate. Of course, the same arguments can as persuasively be made in favor of dirt.” ~ Sandra Boynton

“Man cannot live on chocolate alone; but woman sure can.” ~ Anonymous

“I never met a chocolate I didn’t like.” ~ Counsellor Deanna Troi, Star Trek: The Next Generation

“There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles.” ~ Anonymous

“Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate” ~ Sandra Boynton

“Exercise is a dirty word… Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.” ~ Charles M Schulz

“Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… chocolate….” ~ Homer Simpson

“Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of the pieces.” ~ Judith Viorst

“The 12-step chocoholics program: NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE!” ~ Terry Moore

“Simply put… everyone has a price, mine is chocolate!” ~ Anonymous

“As with most fine things, chocolate has its season. There is a simple memory aid that you can use to determine whether it is the correct time to order chocolate dishes: any month whose name contains the letter A, E, or U is the proper time for chocolate.” ~ Sandra Boynton

“Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies.” ~ John Q. Tullius

“Hell hath no fury like a woman who has sworn off fudge and chocolate.” ~ Anonymous

 

Final thoughts

There are only three things in life that matter; good chocolate and, well, there may have been a couple of other things…

‘Knock, knock!’
            ‘Who’s there?’
                        ‘Imogen.’
                                    ‘Imogen who?’
                                                ‘Imogen life without chocolate!’

If calories are a problem, keep your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights and they will remove themselves from the chocolate to protect their peace of mind.

Apparently there is a theory that chocolate slows down the aging process; it may not be true, but why take the risk?

 

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