Star Trek jokes

A miscellaneous collection of jokes for Trekkies, linked, however loosely, to various Star Trek TV series.

Well, you have to start with THE classic:

How many ears does Captain Kirk have? ~ Three: the left ear, the right ear and the final front ear.

Mr Spock has pointed ears and Mr Scott has engineers

Why was Star Trek so successful? ~ It had good Genes

‘Bones’ McCoy: “I’ve borrowed Mr Scott’s bagpipes” ~ Kirk: “But you can’t play them” ~ ‘Bones’ McCoy: “While I’ve got them, neither can he”

New Year resolution ► “It’s life gym, but not as we know it.”

Why did Worf change his hair colour? ~ It was a good day to dye

Will Riker’s dating philosophy: ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try Troi again’

What do Romulan frogs use for camouflage? ~ A croaking device

The Ferengi have opened a new restaurant on the Moon; the food’s great, but there’s no atmosphere

What’s Jean-Luc’s favourite card trick? ~ Picard, any card

The Borg ~ Wrappers are futile; chocolate will be assimilated

We are the Borg; ESC is futile, CTRL is inevitable, your files will be assimilated


Star Trek Books

‘Chekov The Navigator’ I Kiptin

‘Data’s Positronic Brain’ Anne Droid

‘Resist’ Stan Sisfutile

‘You’ Will B Assimilated

‘Make it Sew’ #1 Needlework book ~ Jean-Luc Picard


Changing a light bulb

How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb? ~ Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000000000000

How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb? ~ None, because Klingons aren’t afraid of the dark

How many Ferengi does it take to change a light bulb? ~ Two; one to change it and one to sell the old bulb as an antique

How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb? ~ All of them collectively

How many Enterprise crew members does it take to change a light bulb? ~ Three; one to change it and two red shirted security men to die in the process


Crossing the road

Why did Mr Scott’s chicken cross the road? ~ Because it couldna take much morrrrrrre!

Why did the Vulcan chicken cross the road? ~ It was the logical thing to do

Why did the Borg cross the road? ~ To assimilate the chicken



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