Some very old gags, and a few new ones.
‘My wife’s gone to the West Indies’ ~ ‘Jamaica?’ ~ No, she went of her own accord’
‘My wife’s gone to Indonesia’ ~ ‘Jakarta?’ ~ ‘No, she went by plane’
‘My wife bought a hat in Central America’ ~ ‘Panama?’ ~ ‘No, it was a trilby’
‘My wife spent last winter in Switzerland’ ~ ‘Berne?’ ~ ‘No, she nearly froze’
‘My wife flew to America recently’ ~ ‘Chicago?’ ~ ‘No, she was a passenger’
‘My wife opened a brothel in Hawaii’ ~ ‘Maui?’ ~ ‘No you may not!’
‘My wife loves whiskey from the Southern United States’ ~ ‘Mississippi?’ ~ ‘No, she just drank the whole bottle’
‘My wife’s band went on tour in South East Asia’ ~ ‘Singapore?’ ~ ‘Yes, and the bassist’s rubbish too’
‘My wife’s gone to Oslo’ ~ ‘Norway?’ ~ ‘Yes, way!’
‘My wife’s an Angel’ ~ ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive!’
‘My wife’s on holiday just south of London’ ~ ‘Surrey?’ ~ ‘I SAID, MY WIFE’S ON HOLIDAY JUST SOUTH OF LONDON!’
‘My wife’s gone to South America’ ~ ‘Chile?’ ~ ‘No, it’s very hot there at the moment’
‘My wife sent me for a sex change operation in Montevideo’ ~ ‘Uruguay?’ ~ ‘Not any more’
‘My wife went to Malawi’ ~ ‘Lilongwe?’ ~ ‘Yes, thousands of miles’
‘My wife was attacked by an animal in Malaysia’ ~ ‘Kuala Lumpur?’ ~ ‘No, a dingo bit her’
‘My wife would love to go on safari in Africa’ ~ ‘Kenya?’ ~ ‘No, we can’t afford it’
‘My wife’s holidaying in northern Benin’ ~ ‘Djougou?’ ~ ‘No, I stayed at home’
‘My wife had her portrait done in Sudan’ ~ ‘Khartoum?’ ~ ‘No, actually it was quite a good likeness’
‘My wife went to Morocco and bought a new cooker’ ~ ‘Agadir?’ ~ ‘No, it was quite cheap’
‘My wife went to a music concert in South Korea’ ~ ‘Seoul?’ ~ ‘No, it was R&B’
‘My wife went to a casino in the Himalayas’ ~ ‘Tibet?’ ~ ‘Yes, of course, why else would she go?’
‘My wife bought some crockery in Peking’ ~ ‘China?’ ~ ‘No, Royal Doulton’
‘My wife’s gone to Jordan’ ~ ‘Amman?’ ~ ‘No, she’s just got big hands, but you’re not the first to ask’
‘My wife’s relation has been to the South of France’ ~ ‘Nice?’ ~ ‘No, her Nephew’
‘My wife misses me constantly’ ~ ‘Working away?’ ~ ‘No, I’ve learnt to dodge’
‘My wife bought a house in Sweden’ ~ ‘Stockholm?’ ~ ‘No, it was custom-built’
‘My wife was robbed in Western Australia’ ~ ‘Perth?’ ~ ‘No, they took her pathport and driving lithenth’
Know Pun Intended 